Setting Caregiver Boundaries

I absolutely LOVE this quote by psychotherapist, Joyce Marter, LCPC.

If you’ve ever enforced a personal boundary before, you know how much of a balancing act it can be! Making sure that you are not too pushy (diva) while also ensuring you aren’t ignored and ran over (doormat).

My friends actually call me the “Boundary Queen,” but let me tell you – mastering my boundaries definitely took some time to balance and figure out.

But over time, I’ve been very intentional about enforcing my boundaries and I believe it has been life-changing.

“Life-changing Ashley? Really?!”

Lol… I know, that may sound a bit extreme. But I really do believe in the power of setting healthy boundaries.

When we set healthy boundaries we not only communicate what is valuable to us, but we also set our standard for others to respect and follow.

The thing about setting caregiver boundaries is that your loved one benefits from you setting boundaries too. Not only do you protect yourself from external and internal forces, but you ALSO protect your loved one.  

Quick question for you, as a caregiver:

• Do you ever find it difficult to set limits and rules within your relationships?
• Do you ever feel guilty when you tell someone “NO”?
• Do you ever have challenges with separating yourself from the care you provide?

These are common challenges we face as caregivers – so understand that you are not alone..

Setting boundaries is tough work and it takes a lot of intention and practice over time.

As a caregiver, often times the care we provide can become overwhelming. When this happens, it is important to have clear and healthy boundaries in place to help decrease the overwhelm and frustration.

So, when setting boundaries we should be sure that we are communicating clearly, assertively, and upholding our values.

One tip Joyce Marter suggests is using “I” statements instead of “YOU” statements. This allows for our communication to be focused on our specific needs and minimizes the risk of defensiveness from the recipient.

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Setting a caregiver boundary may sound like this:

• “I am working hard on using my time wisely, so NO I am not able to attend that event this weekend.”
• “I will not allow dementia to get the best of me today. I need to excuse myself for a 10-minute break outside.”
• “NO, I am at capacity right now due to caregiving, and I do not want to answer any phone calls about dementia past 6 pm.”

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Just a few examples to get us started..

At the end of the day, boundaries are critical to caregiver self-care and overall well-being..

Because believe it or not, once you get comfortable in setting your boundaries, you begin to feel more confident, empowered, and create space for YOU. You create space for SELF-CARE. And folks will begin to respect your needs and values, while also recognizing the truly remarkable [bad-ass] caregiver that you are!!